Saturday, October 31, 2015

MY A

Whenever I hear the word "best friend" , I always think of having someone who will always be there for me. Not just in good times, but also and most specially on bad times. I am the kind of person who really get too attached to someone close to me. I value friendship so much. Since the day I learned how to know if a friend is being true to me, that is the day I also started to make myself get used to not having so many close friends. I have a lots of friends, but I can only count on my fingers who my close friends are, other are just mere acquanitances. Up until now, I love keeping my circle small.


Then one day I met someone who I never thought I'll befriend with. You look like someone I can say, "you're one of my friend but not a close friend" lol. Not until I get to know you, and vice versa. I am the kind of person who says a lot of things to someone when I'm comfortable with him/her. Like I don't mind if I'm saying something too personal or what, but that's how I am. And I know when the days went by that I  started to feel comfortable whenever I talked to you (which I never expected), is the day I will feel being attach to someone again. Until our friendship got closer and closer.

For some magical reasons, maybe some love potion did the trick (lol) my superfriend became my boyfriend. And the rest was history! Jk! But kidding aside, I really can't believe that the one I just used to call my SF became my BF, as in "boyfriend". Like holy moly?! Really?! You were just my highschool crush before because you were too good at dancing. But I never ever did regret anything that had happen since day one.

You were that one person I can talk to anything out of the random-est thing in life yet I still feel comfortable and never did I feel bored when you're around. I always enjoy being with you, I guess you being my boyfriend is just a bonus, because you are more of a partner to me, a bestfriend, best partner in life I can say. I am always on my happiest state when I'm with you.

I cannot put into details on how much things turned out in my life with you in it. But I can say you made a big impact on me. I guess my messages (whenever I greet you on our monthsaries and anniversaries) do it justice. I know I will get too emotional when I write  this part of this letter/post I am writing for you, but heck i want to let this all out rn! Right at this very moment when I can still be able to compose my thoughts. 

I can describe you in so many ways. I remember giving you 50 reasons why I love to be with you and 50 reasons why I love you on your 24th birthday, then told yoi that's not enough. The list goes on and on everytime I spend a day with you, and every lovely day i wish it would not end.

 I always love the way you treat me like I am one of the most precious thing you own, your princes as you may say that became your Queen after how many years (kilig!). I told you that I'm not into material things, and I love how you showed me your ways on how you can prove your love to me. People won't belive this if they don't know you too well, even I myself won't, if I just look you in the face. But boy, you were oh so sweet! I always look forward to the day when i get to see you and spend the day with you. Watching you cook for me, even feed me when i feel like being a baby (like what you always treat me) , open the door for me, give me flowers that you just picked from the neighbor, buy something for me when i'm too lazy to get my ass off the bed, brush my hair, get me water whenever I ask for it, hold the phone whenever we're watching moviesss (coz I'm lazy af), carry my bag, cover me with blanket whenever I fell asleep, the unexpected hug from behind, walking with me in the wee hours of night even if you don't like to, cracking the corniest joke whenever I had a bad day, even bought sanitary napkin for me without complaining (not all boyfriends do this thing hahaha) and the list goes on and on. It's the little things you did for me that really matter. 

I've known you for 7years, and 5years of it was the days I learned how to love and felt to be loved unconditionally.  5years of growing with you as a person and as a lover who I never thought I can be. 5years of sharing you my life as your bestfriend, enemy (sometimes) , best girlfriend ( i claim it! Lol) life adviser, number1 supporter, your forever #1 basketball fan, pig-out buddy, movie night partner, kalokohan buddy, and many more. Thankyou for keeping all your promises, not the best one (because you left me too soon), but thankyou for the unconditonal love you gave me all throughout our relationship.

I used to believe that everything happens for a reason, but when God took you away from me,  from my system, from my life, I know I am on the top of the list asking why it happened to me? Why you? Why take away someone's life that has done nothing but do good to others? A lot of questions kept popping on my mind until now. Almost all of the comforting words I got was " everything happens for a reason, maybe you can't understand now but eventually you will" . I may not understand what he's doing now but i know I am starting to let his will be done. Maybe I am still afraid and I'm holding back to see what the reasons are behind all this, but I know and I feel that I am on the process of slowly learning and seeing the reasons why. And as I keep on talking to you everynight, I wish that you give me strength to carry on, because you were the one who taught me how to be strong at the toughest time of life. 

Thankyou for loving me last, for loving me until your last breathe. You will always have a special place in my heart. I love you always, all ways my A, my bestest friend, my angel.


- E

Finally had the guts to compose myself to put together all this never ending thoughts . I know I'm not the only person in the world who experienced or is experiencing this stage in our life. I hope you can get through this pain, it is really not easy, never was, and no one can help you but yourself (note to self also). Hoping that one day we can fully understand why. 

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